The only thing that remains the same is that things change.
On Turning 60 Part V (The Body Snatchers)
Drive by my house on any sunny day, and this is what you will see. The picture above is me looking over my garden, taken secretly (see, without permission) by my little brother. He didn’t bother to honk or give me a heads up so I could smooth my gray frizz or duck behind the compost bin like someone yelled[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Surrendering.
In my last conversation with the cardiologist, we talked about what was next for me. I get so frustrated because each test says something different. But, for a doctor to perform a mitral valve repair with a MitraclipTM it has to go to a committee for approval and committees love tests. Replacement of my aortic valve did not need a[…]
On Turning 60 Part III (Someone to Watch Over Me)
Charles and I met in 2012. I was 48. Both of us were licking our wounds after failed marriages. The first couple of years were pretty rocky. Neither of us expected the relationship to last long, but we were having fun along the way. Eventually (in the longest sense of the word), he and I just turned into us. I[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Round Two.
I had an angiogram Friday, June 14. It wasn’t good but I knew it wouldn’t be. My cardiologist thought my mitral valve was only moderately leaking and, therefore, a perfectly good valve. Remind me never to buy anything used from him off Marketplace. However, yesterday’s test proved it was severe and validated my symptoms and my belief that it should[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… &%*^$!!
Trigger warning: Whining ahead. May 25 marked eight months since my heart valve replacement surgery. At my six month checkup in March, I told my doctor I felt like my recovery had slowed down. I was having a harder time getting up the Slope to my garden. I have fallen asleep at the wheel a few times, and had to[…]
On Being a Person in a Meat Suit…
It is so hard to be a person, isn’t it? So very hard. I’m not talking just about being a decent human being, which is nearly impossible some days. But, the basic daily chore of waking up and dragging ourselves out of bed every day can be terrifying. We walk around in the meat suits assigned to us, navigating through[…]
On the Permanence of … Everything…?
My new garden sleeves arrived in the mail this week. I started wearing garden sleeves a couple of years and now I will not be without them. I treated myself to a new pair for this season. As pleased as I am with them, I was even more delighted with the packaging. It bears a friendly greeting. “Hello! This bag[…]
On the Manners in Nature…
We are well into fall here at Sugarberry Slope, and deep winter is not far away. While spring, summer and early fall provide a cornucopia of food for the wide variety of critters that call Sugarberry home, I am compelled to supplement in late fall and winter. Fruit past its prime, last week’s seeded bread, the discarded parts of vegetables[…]
On Sisters …
Two of my top five favorite writers are Nora and Delia Ephron.[i] Nora and Delia are sisters who (along with the younger Amy and Hallie) all grew up to become professional writers. There was never any question that they would be writers. Their parents were successful screenwriters, and it was their mother who set all four girls on the path[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Two Month Mark.
It is November 25, two months since my heart surgery. I was going to celebrate the milestone by doing a Christmas light walk at our local zoo tonight. They string light displays all over the zoo and sell tickets to the public. My sister’s family and Charles and I had made plans to go. But, it turned much colder today.[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Measurements and Data
Since the first diagnosis of heart failure, some ten years ago, medical professionals have routinely heard my symptoms and feelings about my symptoms and batted them back at me with measurements and data. “I’m sort of breath,” I say. “But your oxygen level is at 98%,” they say. “You are getting plenty of air.” “I feel like I’m retaining fluid,”[…]
My Heart (A Series)… Coming Into Focus Again.
When she penned “Breathe,” Becky Hemsley ended the poem with: And she found a small clearing surrounded by firs. And she stopped … and she heard what the trees said to her, And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave, For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe. “Breathe” is a poem about finding one’s self[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… My Cane.
I lost my cane Saturday. I was using it when I went to plant crocus and tulip bulbs up near the driveway. After I got the bulbs planted, I walked along the road and picked up a few articles of trash, a Monster drink can and a McDonald’s cup. Energy drinkers and McDonald’s patrons are among the worst offenders for[…]
On My Heart (A Series) … Carpe Diem
I seized the day. I had a good night sleep and woke up feeling rested. The weather was nice. A little breezy but the temperature got near 70 degrees. The hard freeze last week has killed off most of the flowers. There are a few Indian blankets still hanging on, as well as some goldenrod and some asters, but most[…]
On My Heart (A Series) … My Scar.
I met my scar. It was an accidental viewing. I had avoided looking at it all this time. Saturday after being admitted to the hospital again (I was released Sunday), I had been allowed a shower and as I stepped out, there was the mirror. At first, I didn’t really realize what I was seeing. Then I sort of startled[…]
On My Heart (A Series) … The Good People in My Corner
I saw my surgeon yesterday. He seems to think I am right where I need to be. My healing is on schedule. I told him all my woes and while he didn’t look bored or roll his eyes, I could see he had heard all this before. There were a couple of concerns I had. There is some numbness and[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Things to Look Forward To.
The sunrise through the blackjacks this morning was beautiful. The front of our home is made up entirely of windows and this is the view I see when I am pouring my coffee. Our usual herd of deer, four mothers and their babies, were grazing out front as the sun brightened everything with its light. The clouds added extra color[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Finding the Sunshine
Battling the Depression Monster has been challenging. I want, I need to be outside playing in the dirt but my need for supervision and Charles’ job don’t always cooperate with each other. Plus, my upper body still does not have the range of motion that would allow me any digging. Yesterday, I was determined to do SOMETHING about the dark[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… The Depression Monster
They said he would show up, about this time in the process, and he has. Sunshine would probably help tremendously, but it has been chilly and windy here. I have been cautioned against being out in cold wind. I tried it once, it was hard to breathe. I am concerned about returning to work because of the cold wind issue.[…]
On My Heart (A Series) … Steppin’ Out With My Baby…
Melanie Moore as Scout and Richard Thomas as Atticus photo by Julieta Cervantes As I have started to feel better and, subsequently get bored, I have been accompanying Charles to his daily (often twice or thrice daily) trips to the large orange and blue home improvement stores. He gets me a cart and plants me in the garden department while[…]
On My Heart (A Series) … I Can’t Look
My bandage fell off in the shower this morning. It just let loose and started to slide down my front. I caught it before it fell to the floor. I’m not supposed to bend over to pick things up, and the one legged toe grab is probably not a good idea in the shower. I could not look down at[…]
On My Heart (A Series) … “I’m Glad We Did This.”
I had a follow-up appointment with my cardiologist, yesterday. Dr. P is the one who decided I needed the transplant, but not the one who actually did it. This visit was just to check my vitals and gauge my overall wellbeing. I will see Dr. H, my surgeon, at the end of the month to check on my recovery from[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Starting Recovery
It is my third full day home. It has been a good day. Nights are still hard. I still have nightmares. The dreams are vivid and violent and full of every awful thing. They are like a data dump of horror. I hope they go away soon. The pain medicine wears off like clockwork at 2:30 a.m., about a half[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Back Home
I was released to go home yesterday, October 5. Unlike my usual experiences with hospital discharges (both my own and those of loved ones), once the announcement was made, I was out in a just a few hours. Charles drove by the pharmacy to pick up the sack load of medicines I would be taking and I was home by[…]
On My Heart (A Series) … Meltdowns
I had what my surgeon said was the first of many meltdowns on Monday. He was correct, of course. I had many more on Tuesday. I have been in the hospital, post surgery, for nine days. The days are all very similar filled with people whose job it is to help me heal and leave. There are people on the[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Post Surgery
Spoiler Alert! I survived my surgery. Eight days ago, I had what was supposed to be a double heart valve replacement surgery. The good news is that once the aortic valve was repaired, the mitral started behaving as it should in a last ditch effort to be compliant and save itself. It worked; my original mitral valve beats obediently inside[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Exactly What I Needed
Saturday morning, 48 hours before my heart surgery, Charles and I had breakfast with my dear old friend, V and her husband J. They are wonderful, salt of the earth people, and breakfast was casual and unhurried. Our conversation was easy and positive. It was exactly what I needed. After breakfast, though, I was in a little bit of a[…]
On Are Things Getting Better …? (Part 2).
Part II. Environment. For Part I see here: On Are Things Getting Better …? (Part I) – They Cant Eat Ya My family and I adopted the mile we live on in the “Adopt A City Street” program and named it for our mother and father, who died in 2018 and 2020, respectively. Our part of the program is cleaning[…]
On Are Things Getting Better …? (Part I)
The problem I see with most social causes is the reluctance of the organizations that support them to admit it when things are getting better.
On Birthdays…
I turned 59 yesterday. My birthdays, especially those 9th ones (29, 39, 49…), tend gnaw at me more than the others because the next year “I will be old.” Let me preface this by stating without hesitation that I am happier now than I have been at any of my prior 9th birthdays. I would not go back to 29,[…]
On How We Are NOT Destroying the Planet…
Contrary to what you may have heard, humans will NOT destroy the Earth. Good news for Mother Earth, but not for her reckless children.
On What Makes a Good Day…
What qualifies as a good day? For me, what makes a good day at 58, is much different than it was at 48 or 38. It is actually closer to what it was when I was 8. Last Saturday was a good day. I received my final grade for the biology class I had struggled through – a low A,[…]
On Anticipation…
“If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death.[…]
On What We Need…
I’ve been wondering about what I deserve versus what I need. Are they the same? I have a good life. It hasn’t always been that way; there have been mornings I was disappointed to wake up. But, overall, life has been good. Now, it is wonderful. How do I receive the good, without taking too much? How do I take[…]
On Altruism…
Altruism /ˈalˌtro͞oˌizəm/: the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others. I belong to a very small community of yoga practitioners. We meet via Zoom every weekday morning at 6:00 a.m. While our goal is to get all bendy and strong, sometimes we have some deep conversations that make their way into this blog.[…]
On Mitosis, Meiosis, Neurosis and What Matters Mostest…
I had double carpal tunnel surgery a few weeks ago. I had let it go so long, that I had lost sensation in my fingers. I was constantly dropping things. I couldn’t decide if mealtimes, for my spouse, was more like dining with a toddler or a senior parent with Parkinson’s Disease; none of us, him, me, the toddler or[…]
On Memes (what are they good for)?
An friend texted me a meme the other day accompanied by an exasperated, “Augh.” I was pretty busy, but I always try to respond to texts from people I like, so I sent a question mark and that little emoji guy that looks like he’s wondering about something. She replied very quickly “Oh great! NOW we have to defend ourselves[…]
On Wishes, Dreams, Goals, Whatever (just don’t call them resolutions).
Happy New Year 2023! Having given up “resolutions” (which I see as just an excuse to find something wrong with me, as a person and I don’t need an excuse to do that), a few years ago I started to write 10 New Year’s goals with emphasis on a Top 3. When I started, they were just open ended with[…]
On Being Charlie Brown and Linus…
I met Nancy in high school. We were in Mr. Tweed’s Stage Crafts class with a bunch of other losers – I mean a bunch of other drama enthusiasts. In Stage Crafts, we learned to build sets and the ins and outs of lighting, costumes, and were basically the gophers for the more talented, more beautiful performers. She and I hit[…]
On Eagles and Myths…
My beloved and I went to Alaska earlier this month on our honeymoon. It was glorious. If you have the time and the means, and any interest in wildlife, native Alaskan culture, or gorgeous scenery in cooler temperatures, I strongly encourage you to book a trip to Alaska sometime between June and September. During our travels we witnessed so much[…]
On Picking Blackberries
I spent some time picking blackberries this weekend, a favorite and also least favorite summer activity. It is my experience that no matter how I plan, no matter what time of the morning or evening, the temperature rises above 100 degrees the moment I get within picking distance of a blackberry patch. I suspect blackberries have their own environment where[…]
On Mother’s Day
It is Mother’s Day. My mother left this earth in 2018, four years ago. If you still have your mother, let me be cliché for a moment and tell you to cherish every minute with her. Of course, you cannot do that, because well . . . life. But make your best effort, so you minimize your regrets. Loss is[…]
On Being Right….
Him: You always think your opinion is correct. Me: Well, of course I do. Why would I choose to have an incorrect opinion? I had the above conversation, and similar ones, repeatedly during a marriage that ended after twenty years. It ended, ultimately, because he was wrong, and I could prove it. But that is not the point I’m trying[…]
On Turning 58…
I turned 58 years old on April 7, 2022. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it if I wanted to keep living. I was simply not given a choice in the matter.
On Tribes…
The word “Tribe” has gained popularity among women over the past decade. Here in Oklahoma, we mainly think of a tribe in the indigenous people sense of the word and I find it a little curious that in a time where athletics teams have had to change their mascots in the name of political correctness and sensitivity, scores of blonde-haired,[…]
On Human Arrogance…
Pictured is the Guanacaste tree for which the province of Guanacaste, Costa Rica was named. My beloved and I (wait, I get to call him my fiancé now!) spent the past week in this lovely part of the world. If you have the opportunity to visit, it would do you some good. The beaches are clean – not white like[…]
On The Relief of Being Ordinary…
Aren’t we tired? Aren’t we all tired of our quest to be extraordinary? The need to make one’s mark in a world full of people who are also trying to make their marks is exhausting. There are myriad self help books on our night stands, only half read because we tell ourselves we cannot possibly achieve what this book says[…]
On Our Impact…
The northernmost sugarberry.
On the Full Length Mirror…
As our physical bodies become less attractive, the Universe balances things out. As the hair grays and the wrinkles multiply, my relationships become more refined, more relaxed, more important, and more beautiful. As my eyesight weakens and becomes blurry, my vision moves from the eyes to the heart, and I see more beauty through the filter of age, experience, and[…]
On Writing Off the Year…
2022 has to be a better year. We’ve all heard it. We’ve all said it. 2020 and 2021 were horrible years, complete and total losses. We were optimistic, even if cautiously so, that 2022 was going to be better. We had hope for this brand new set of twelve months. We were betting on 2022 being the redemption year for[…]
On New Years…
Today is the first day of 2022. I know we all have hope that it will be a kinder year for us; the last two have been such jackasses.
On Where Christmas Went…
When I was a kid, my mother often read Erma Bombeck’s column to me. Mom loved Erma, and I enjoyed the column too, but I never fully appreciated the essays until I was a mother. Erma wrote the following column in 1971 and it was republished in newspapers during Christmas for years afterward. Mom had cut out the article and[…]
And Now We Are Three…
And now we are three. Then, one day, we will be two. After that, only one. And then…. This picture was taken Christmas morning, 1969. If memory serves, we all got new pajamas as our gift to open Christmas Eve. This helped insure we were somewhat presentable the next morning when Mom’s Polaroid came out. That is my older brother[…]
On Fall and Aging….
It is mid-October. Fall is here. The air was damp and cool this morning when I took the dogs out on our morning walk. Typically it is still dark when I start out, but today I lingered over my journaling and coffee longer than usual. I wanted to give the sun a little time to raise the temperature a bit[…]
On Finding Our Things…
My little sister, Piglet, ran a half marathon today. The Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon is one of the biggest events our city has for runners. It was organized to remember those whose lives were lost in the 1995 Murrah Building Bombing, support survivors, pay tribute to first responders, and to raise money to support the Museum that has been erected[…]
On What’s In a Name?
I changed my name. Why? The first assumption made by casual acquaintances and people who didn’t know me before 1984 was that I had gotten married. “I just noticed your new email signature. I guess congratulations are in order!” But, of course that’s not what happened. I guess it would be more correct to say I changed my name back[…]
On Remembrance…
This picture is of my father, back from basic training, and just before leaving for his tour in Germany. He was a bright young man who chose to give up the last couple of months of high school (and possible jail time for a teenage prank he and some buddies took a bit too far), to serve his country. He[…]
On Living in Your Hands…
Live in your hands and your mind will learn to bow like a root. – Mark Nepo In his devotional called Live in Your Hands (Nepo), the author describes the difference in living too much in your head and not enough in the real life activity of living. He tells a short story about a man who, so distraught after[…]
On Kittens, Anxiety, and My Relationship with Anne…
I love the author Anne Lamott. There, I said it. I do. We have not met. She does not know I love her but love her I do. She’s my writer crush, the soul mate I’ve never met. Many of us go through life with a person in mind that, should we end up single at a target age, we[…]
On My Birthday…
Today is my birthday. I’ve been dreading this one, but no more than the last one. I am closer now to 60 than ever before. I sometimes worry that I’m running out of time. Is that something other people worry about? The picture here is me at 2 months old (according to my mother’s lovely script on the back). This[…]
On the Windmills
There is something I’ve been wanting to say since the winter blast that hit the country in early February. Particularly hard hit were the southern states not used to such cold temperatures in the negative numbers. One of the biggest problems was the strain put on the power grids of Oklahoma and Texas, because neither state was prepared for it.[…]
On our impact…
I’m not a poet, not even close. I’ve written three poems my whole life. The first poem I wrote when I was in about the 3rd grade. I was walking across the yard after an early sleet storm followed by a hard freeze. The poem dictated itself to me as I stepped lightly over the grass encased in ice. I[…]
On Finding the Word …
For months I’ve been trying to find the word that describes what I’m feeling inside these past 12 months. Is it fear? Is it dread? Is it anger? Yes, it is all of these things, but while those words are part of it, they don’t quite satisfy my need to find just the right word. Labeling things helps me keep[…]
On the Path to Peace…
I’ve heard the phrase “protect your peace” tossed around in self-development circles. It sounds good, but protecting my peace makes it seem like I have it hidden away somewhere, behind lock and key, where no one can get to it. That’s no way to live. I consider myself a nice person. I hold doors for people. I say, “thank[…]
On Forgiveness
January 15 was the birthday of someone I haven’t spoken to in over two years, and not spoken civilly to in about 9. I’ve been thinking a lot of forgiveness lately. Someone’s said recently that forgiveness isn’t acceptance, it is giving up the hope that the past could be different. I don’t know if the person who said that is[…]
On Compassion…
Compassion seems to be in short supply right now. Maybe it is lost in shipping with the protein powder I ordered a few weeks ago, or out of print like the book of essays I tried to send to a friend. Maybe it is just out of fashion, like bell bottom jeans. I do not know. But, of all the[…]
On Perspective (a modern day Cinderella story)…
I was walking along on my morning sunrise walk when I spotted this lost shoe off in the distance. My curiosity peaked, I began to imagine the scenario of how that lovely bright blue shoe ended up on the side of a rural road in Oklahoma. I thought of a modern day Cinderella, racing home to make curfew after a[…]
On Grandpa’s Fiddle
My grandfather, Harvie Montgomery, gave me this fiddle when I was a youngster. I adored him. When I was about 25 years old, he developed lung cancer and died in just over a year. I have kept this fiddle in its case all this time. My mother remembers him playing it on their porch surrounded by family, his brothers playing[…]
On Old Dogs…
Sunday morning, like most mornings, my accountability partner, Myrna, and I went out for our walk. Myrna is Charles’ dog. He adores her. She adores him. But she also loves her long walks, which is where they part ways and I step in. Myrna is somewhere between 7 years old and Methuselah. We can’t really be sure because she arrived[…]
On Birth…
Behold the first moments of the life of my grandson, Jameson Walker. April 10, 2015. I was there. I took this picture. It remains one of the most prominent and precious moments of my life and, arguably, his. My own children were born via C-Section, but had they been born naturally without intervention by the medical team, I would not[…]
On Saving Things…
My Mother passed away in July 29, 2018 and Daddy left us June 1, 2020. They left the family home to my little brother, Kevin. As Kevin, my sister Amy, and I were engaged in the awful chore of going through my parents personal effects and household items, Kevin asked, “Do either of you want Mom’s china.” There was a[…]
On Certainty…
I came across this quote this morning while researching for my final project in Philosophy class. It really spoke to me. It wasn’t helpful for my project but was an “aha moment” for me. I’ve been in a serious funk lately (like almost everyone else on the planet) and I realize now that uncertainty is the cause. I’m having the[…]
In Memoriam
The handsome man in the picture is my Daddy, Carl Francis White. He is credited for the title of this blog page, as it was a sentiment he used on me often whenever things turned bad. “They can’t eat ya,” he would shrug. Daddy passed away June 1, 2020. He was 80 years old. I had the honor of writing[…]
On Opinions…
Everyone has their own opinions on the state of our world right now. In Oklahoma, our governor has decided to start “reopening the state” this week. There are varying opinions about this from “Oh, thank God,” to “WTF?? Is he crazy?” The key players in our state’s government cannot even agree on the right thing to do. Is it too[…]
On Surprises…
I am reading The Book of Awakening, Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have, by Mark Nepo. (This is a wonderful, non-denominational daily devotional). The devotional for April 21 is The Gift of Surprise. One of the things I know about myself is that I love surprises, I just want to know about them[…]
On a very different St. Patrick’s Day.
March 17, 2020 looks very different than March 17, 2019. A year ago, I was sharing interesting Irish facts on social media and looking forward to tipping back a few pints of Guinness in celebration of my people. Who would have believed a year later, I would be embracing sobriety and all St. Patrick’s Day celebrations would be canceled? Had[…]
On Art and Its Beholder
January 1, 2020, I didn’t take my walk before sunrise. I had a third cup of coffee and took it later, after the sun had risen. I also decided to take a different route. It amazes me sometimes to see things during the daylight that I don’t see predawn. But this would be an new route altogether. The morning sky[…]
On Simple Love
Last night I dreamed about my mother. She was tiny and frail, and I was caring for her, like we did in those last days. It was just her and me, together. No one else. She needed to go to the bathroom, so I carried her in. This is something I never would have attempted alone in real life for[…]
On Being Realistic
Telling a child to be realistic is a cruel but passive form of child abuse. There, I said it. It’s true. There were never more hateful, bitter, dream killer words uttered, generation after generation. The cycle must stop. A child comes into this world without any awareness of his limitations. He is a clean slate of possibilities. His parents ask[…]
On Becoming
Most people who know me, know I love a good sunrise. But, I doubt they know why. I love sunrises because it is visual evidence that the night is becoming the day. The dark becoming the light. When I see that sun come up, in the words of Alexander Pope, “hope spring eternal.” Starting each day with the sunrise, watching[…]
Happy New Year. 2020.
The picture shows an actual page from my journal, dated January 1, 2019. a full year ago. You may not be able to read my handwriting (no one can), so the list goes: Morning Person Write everyday (even if it’s just this journal, but strive for more). Utilize and plan every hour of the day so as to not waste[…]
Bravery 101 – Getting Out of the Comfort Zone.
I had a company holiday party to attend this weekend. A holiday party I not only had to attend but plan and execute, as well. This is the first party in my new job, and the boss said he wanted the dress “semi formal.” The guest list was nearly 300 people, including our board of directors. A month ago I[…]
A Year Ago…
A year ago, I never saw sunrises like this. A year ago, on November 17, 2018, my dear friend David Gray died. I was still heavily mourning the death of my mother four months earlier, a loss so devastating I felt I hadn’t taken a breath since she took her last. I was still in mourning for my beloved heartdog[…]
Fifteen Days Ago….
Fifteen days ago, I drank this beer in a fantastic little bar in Cozumel, Mexico, Dick’s Dive. My beloved and I had arrived earlier that day and were looking forward to a full week of fun, relaxation and a couple more dozen of these. Let’s go back a bit. Over the past year, I have been aware of my drinking.[…]
Important Dreams.
I have been on vacation this week and have just returned. My mind is full of thoughts and things I want to blog about, but fatigue and the need to get ready for the upcoming week require me to put them on hold until later in the week. However, I thought I would share this one. It is an old[…]
Gone, But Not Forgotten
This time of year my big brother “Gene” always comes to mind. His birthday is October 12. His soul departed to Heaven in 2014, but we lost him many years ago to pain and depression. When I remember him, I like to go back in time, when he was young, handsome, healthy and ornery; back to the time when girls[…]
Be Anxious for Nothing.
Someone on social media recently shared this meme, and I’m not sure why, but it made me laugh. That’s not exactly true, if I think about it, I do know why. The reason it was initially funny is because I have started taking college courses with a goal toward earning a degree in English. Anyone who has taken college English[…]
Staying in My Own Lane.. an Epiphany Revisited.
The following is a except from post I wrote a couple of years ago. I post it here to share how far I’ve come since March 17, 2017 and how much more work I have to do. “Like most people, I have a list of things to do, goals, a bucket list. It seems to grow every day. Being busy[…]
Remembering Kindness
More often than not, I wake up in the morning with a random song in my head. Also, more often than not, there is no reason I can think of for that particular song to be there. Recently, the song that greeted me was one I had not heard, or even thought about it since 4th or 5th grade. My[…]
The Late Great Grandpa Harvie
One hero from my childhood was my maternal grandfather, Harvie Montgomery. I flat out adored him. That is him and me in the picture, dated 1967. It must have been Easter or something, because he is not wearing overalls and I appear reasonably clean. Grandpa was a simple man. He and Grandma Exie didn’t own much; just a tiny house[…]
Being Present. Finding Pancakes.
I take a sunrise walk with my dogs every morning. Myrna, the German Shepherd mix and SideKick Rudy, the corgi, eagerly harness up after we do our morning sing-a-long (the three of us, along with Buckles the PTSD Jerkasaurus Chiweenie mix who will NOT let me put harness on him) gather in a circle to howl for about 30 seconds.[…]
A Tribute to My Heart Dog, Sean
I wrote the following tribute February 10, 2014, to my beloved “heart dog” Sean on his 12th birthday. He was slowing down and greying around his temples, and I knew our time together was growing shorter. Old hands, human and canine, 50 and 12. Today, the love of my life turned 12. As the alarm sounded this morning, he did[…]
You Can’t Fix Stupid?
I was taking my sunrise walk this morning when a truck drove by with a bumper sticker that read “You can’t fix stupid.” This a primarily southern expression, popularized by comedian, Ron White. The phrase is printed on t-shirts, memes and, of course, bumper stickers. It is a get-out-of-jail-free card for those tasked with teaching someone not ready or willing[…]
What I Didn’t Know Then.
I wish I didn’t know now, what I didn’t know then.
Will you Go, Lassie?
I left the house before sunrise this morning for my two-mile walk with the dogs. I enjoy the habit I adopted this year. It starts my day off on a good foot and I feel peaceful and energized. My path takes me down a very busy road for a few blocks, then into a rural residential area with quiet treelined[…]
Do Butterflies Mourn?
I have been without my mother for exactly one year. She passed away July 29, 2018 around 6:00 a.m., just moments before a thunderstorm woke me and I went to check on her. I think her spirit was still in the room when I walked in. I have been without my mother for exactly one year. She passed away July[…]
134.0 Pounds
This is the weight I was this morning. Last Wednesday I was 129.3. The week before that it was 133.2. For the last 5 years I have gone up and down between 128 and 135, struggling for that illusive 125 pound mark I had randomly decided was my goal. Ten years ago, I weighed 150 pounds. 150 pounds is at[…]
On the Blessings of Winter…
I have always been a winter hater. I do not ski or engage in any type of winter focused activity. I lived in the far northeast part of the United States one year and wasted no time when all the snow melted in April to pack my things and return South. Nor am I one to get too excited about[…]
On Farewell to 2024 and the Usta Coulds…
As I say goodbye to 2024, I want to express my gratitude, and apologize for my impatience and grumbling. I entered 2024 disgruntled because 2023 didn’t turn out the way I wanted to. My heart surgeon did not finish the job I hired him to do (replace two valves) in September and I was… shall we say… slightly, uhm… PISSED[…]
On Christmas Present…
I always get a bit melancholy at this time of year. Melancholy, for those born in this century, is a feeling of unexplained sadness. The word comes from the Latin phrase meaning “black bile,” an excess of which was once believed to cause depression. I don’t know about all that, but I do know the melancholia I feel on this[…]
On My Heart (A Series)… Just a Month.
Today, November 14, marked one month since my MitraclipTM procedure. I was quite shocked when I realized it. To tell the truth, I thought it had been much longer. It seemed like at least three months that I’ve been recovering and trying to manage things, riding the sadness train. I had expected to be up where I started activity wise[…]
On Flowers for Jean (and the rest of us)…
Charles and I were pallbearers at a funeral today. Our good friend, Todd (one half of the couple that introduced us), buried his mother today. He was her pride and joy. He was a good son to her. But Jean was more than just Todd’s mother. She was special to many people. She was special to me, too. After my[…]
On Giving in to Darkness…
First of all, let me apologize to everyone in my life with chronic illness. I have people in my life with RA, MS, heart conditions, diabetes. If being in heart failure and having bad valves has taught me anything it is that being “chronically ill” isn’t a choice. Who would choose this? Sure, how one deals with it is a[…]
On The Porch (To Sit or Not to Sit)…
I didn’t insist on the porch to improve the curbside appeal (we have no curbside), I had envisioned a place to relax and observe God’s beautiful work.
On Unicorns and Rainbows…
“It’s not all unicorns and rainbows,” someone says to point out that whatever they are going through isn’t all fun and games and they shouldn’t expect it to be. Whatever it is might be college, a job, or raising kids or just a random Tuesday afternoon. The point being, we have to live in reality and not be all “woo[…]
On My Heart (A Series) … Here We Go Again
A year ago next Tuesday is the anniversary of my open heart surgery to replace my leaking aortic and mitral valves. As it turned out, the surgeon made a (poor) judgment call and decided the mitral was not bad enough to replace. I say this again, not because you may have forgotten that I mentioned it several dozen times in[…]
On Turning 60 Part VI (Getting Angry, Then Getting Over It)…
Charles and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary this week in the Great Smoky Mountains. We rented an AirBNB on a small family farm outside Gatlinburg, where the owner provides farm fresh eggs, goat milk soap and other natural products from her garden and animals. The cute one bedroom cabin was decorated with bears and Dolly Parton themed pillows and[…]