1. INTRODUCTION
1.1. PURPOSE OF POLICY. The purpose of this policy is to satisfy a check mark given to me by the person teaching the author how to design a website. The author stole most of the language from another writer’s website. The author is committed to respecting the privacy rights of her readers, customers, visitors, and other users of my website (the “Site”) and related subscription service (the “Service”). I created this Privacy Policy (this “Policy”) to give you confidence as you visit and use the Site or otherwise subscribe to the Service, and to demonstrate the author’s commitment to fair information practices and the protection of privacy. Except as otherwise expressly provided, this Policy does not apply to any other websites that you may be able to access from the Site, each of which may have data collection and use practices and policies that differ materially from this Policy.
2. INFORMATION COLLECTION AND USE PRACTICES
2.1. WHAT BASIC INFORMATION DOES THE COMPANY COLLECT? In operating the Site or otherwise offering the Service, the author may include registration, online surveys, and other online forms that ask users to provide their names, e-mail addresses, age group, birth date and other contact information, as well as the following categories of information: income range, country of residence, zip code, and gender.
2.2. WHAT ADDITIONAL INFORMATION DOES COMPANY COLLECT? (a) AUTOMATIC COLLECTION. The author is not exactly sure how or why, but the servers automatically recognize visitors’ domain names and IP addresses (the number assigned to computers on the Internet). No personal information about you is revealed in this process, and the author would not know how to access it if it was. The Site may also gather anonymous “traffic data” that does not personally identify you, but that may be helpful for marketing purposes (if the author is ever in a position to hire a marketing team) or for improving the services she may offer. (b) COOKIES. Mmmm. Cookies. From time to time, we may use the standard “cookies” feature of major browser applications that allows the storage of a small piece of data on your computer about your visit to our Web site. Again, the author has no idea how that works. The author does not set any personally identifiable information in cookies, or employ any data capture mechanisms other than delicious cookies. Cookies help us learn which areas of our site are useful and which areas need improvement, and taste great with milk. You can choose whether to accept cookies by changing the settings on your browser. However, if you choose to disable this function, your experience at our Web site may be diminished and some features may not work as they were intended. The author isn’t altogether sure that is correct.
2.3. WHAT DOES THE AUTHOR DO WITH COLLECTED INFORMATION? Not much, because the author doesn’t have a clue how to do that (a) PERSONAL INFORMATION. The author will not share your personal information with any third parties without your consent, except as necessary to provide you with the services offered or to comply with the law. The author may use your personal information to verify your identity or to check your qualifications. The author may also use your contact information to inform you of any changes to the Site or Service, or to send you additional information about Company. If you give your permission during the account registration process, the author may share your contact information with business partners (yeah, like the author has any business partners) or other companies so that they may send you promotional materials. (b) ANONYMOUS INFORMATION. The author may in the future hire some who knows what he or she is doing to use anonymous information to analyze Site traffic, but promises not to hire anyone who will examine this information for individually identifying information. In addition, that person may use anonymous IP addresses to help diagnose problems with the server, to administer the Site, or to display the content according to your preferences. Seriously, the author has zero idea what any of that shit means. Traffic and transaction information may also be shared with business partners and advertisers (on the outside chance she ever has any) on an aggregate and anonymous basis. (c) USE OF COOKIES. The author likes cookies. Chocolate chip are her favorite. But one day, some technical dude may be hired and that due may use cookies to deliver content specific to your interests, to save your password so you don’t have to re-enter it each time you visit the Site (which to be honest is not really a good idea for you to do, but it is damned convenient, right?), or for other purposes. Promotions or advertisements displayed on the Site may contain cookies, chocolate chip ones. The author does not have access to or control over information collected by outside advertisers on the Site. (d) DISCLOSURE OF PERSONAL INFORMATION. The author may disclose personal information IF required to do so by law (because you did something bad in which case that’s all on you) or in the good-faith belief that such action is necessary to (1) conform to the edicts of the law or comply with legal process served on the author or whatever, (2) protect and defend the rights or property of the author or the users of the Site or Service, or (3) act under exigent circumstances to protect the safety of the public or users of the Site or Service. (e) SALE OF INFORMATION. In order to accommodate changes in our business, the author may sell or buy portions of the author’s assets (which is mainly words, so how much could that bring?), including the information collected through this Site or otherwise collected in connection with the Service. If the author or substantially all of her assets are acquired, customer information will be one of the assets transferred to the acquirer. (f) ACCESS TO INFORMATION. Unfortunately, the author does not maintain any procedures (mainly because she doesn’t know how) for you to review or request changes to the information that is collected about you, except that you may request that we remove all information about you from the database by contacting the author in accordance with Section 5.1 below.
3. SECURITY
The author believes, although she’s not 100% certain that the Site and the Service have security measures in place to prevent the loss, misuse, and alteration of the information obtained from you, but the author can make no assurances about the author’s ability to prevent any such loss, misuse, to you or to any third party arising out of any such loss, misuse, or alteration, because the author is clueless on how that would be done. .
4. WEBSITE AREAS BEYOND COMPANY’S CONTROL
4.1. PUBLIC FORUMS The Site may include interactive forums such as message boards and chat rooms… are chat rooms still a thing? Please remember that any information that is disclosed in these areas becomes public information and you should exercise caution when deciding to disclose your personal information.
4.2. THIRD PARTY WEBSITES The Site may contain links to other websites. If you choose to visit other websites, the author is not responsible for the privacy practices or content of those other websites, and it is your responsibility to review the privacy policies at those websites to confirm that you understand and agree with their policies. But you and I both know, you won’t do that.
5. CONTACT INFORMATION AND POLICY UPDATES
5.1. CONTACTING THE AUTHOR If you have any questions about this Policy, practices related to the Site or Service, or if you would like to have the author remove your information from the database please contact her at the following: [email protected] and she will do so, as soon as she figures out how that is done.
5.2. UPDATES AND CHANGES The author reserves the right, at any time, to add to, change, update, or modify this Policy, simply by posting such change, update, or modification on the Site and without any other notice to you. But seriously as soon as this page is published that is the last time anyone will ever look at it. Any such change, update, or modification will be effective immediately upon posting on the Site. It is your responsibility to review this Policy from time to time to ensure that you continue to agree with all of its terms. But there is zero chance you will. If you HAVE ready this privacy policy, please send me a brief email at [email protected] and tell me what your favorite color is.