I have been on vacation this week and have just returned. My mind is full of thoughts and things I want to blog about, but fatigue and the need to get ready for the upcoming week require me to put them on hold until later in the week. However, I thought I would share this one. It is an old post about a dream I had a few months after my mother passed away last year. Meeting my mother when I arrived on this earth, and being there when she departed it, are two of the most pivotal moments of my life, and I miss her so much it hurts. The dream included a visit from my heart dog, Sean, who I referred to as Housemate Sean (“HMS”) and conversed with often. Sean left the physical world in May 2017, but he visits from time to time just to check in. It means a great deal to me when my dreams bring back both my guardian angels at one time, Mom and Sean. I hope you find something meaningful in it for you, as well.
I had a dream last night, one of those dreams so real I am not sure I am actually dreaming. In the dream, I was having breakfast on a patio that circled Heaven. The patio was empty other than tables and chairs. Inside the globe encompassing Heaven there were trellises with passion flowers, climbing roses and morning glories, their faces turned toward the light inside. It was obvious they were there for the enjoyment of the Heavenly residents but also to give me a small glimpse of the beauty there.
In the distance I saw my mother. She was on her knees tending to a garden that clearly did not need tending. It was filled with enormous peonies, gorgeous yellow roses and other flowers I could not identify. Some were like hybrids of daisies and daffodils, while others were completely unidentifiable.
She was of an age that seemed to change as I looked at her. She was very young and then middle age, then older and then younger again, but healthy at each age. A peaceful smiled played on her face. All around the place there were other people, familiar silhouettes and mannerisms but too far away to make out their faces. I tried to tap on the globe to get Mom’s attention, but when my fingers made contact, it felt like a soft bubble instead of glass, so there was no sound. A sweet fragrance came to me as the bubble shivered under my touch.
Mom rose and walked toward a cylindrical container. She reached in with her garden spade and pulled out a scoop of whatever was in there. Then, she returned to her garden spot and sprinkled the contents of the spade over her flowers. The flowers trembled and shuddered, then appeared to grow taller and brighter right before my eyes. She turned toward me, looked at the cylinder, then back at me. She blew kiss and waved before returning to her work. “Mom!” I shouted. But while my voice made the bubble ripple, it not go far enough for her to hear. The tears started to flow down my face.
Suddenly, Sean was there with me.
Me: Hello! It’s so good to see you.
HMS: Why are you crying?
Me: I want to talk to her. Hug her.
HMS: You will one day, but it’s not time.
Me: I can’t stand it.
HMS: Yes, you can. You are made of tougher stuff than you are allowing yourself to believe.
Me: I don’t want her to think I’ve forgotten her.
HMS: She knows you haven’t forgotten her. No one forgets their mother. Children even remember bad mothers. Just because you get on with your life, doesn’t mean you have forgotten her. She lived hers, did the job she was supposed to do, and now she’s in her reward. You still have things to do, and you will honor her by getting on with those things.
Me: It’s so hard.
HMS: Breathe. Relax.
HMS: It is tears and burdens, by the way.
HMS: You were wondering what Mom sprinkled on the flowers. Tears and burdens of loved ones. They are collected and used to feed the garden, turning sorrow into beauty. Tears can’t remain tears in Heaven.
HMS: Wake up!!!!
Me: Good morning! I was having a dream. You were there…
HMS: I know. Now get up, and get to it.