On My Heart (A Series)… Things to Look Forward To.


The sunrise through the blackjacks this morning was beautiful. The front of our home is made up entirely of windows and this is the view I see when I am pouring my coffee. Our usual herd of deer, four mothers and their babies, were grazing out front as the sun brightened everything with its light. The clouds added extra color of coral, peach, blue and purple. It is hard to believe one could be crabby with this view, but sometimes pain and the old dark presence of despair can make even the most glorious view invisible.

But, not this morning. It was going to be a good day. Why? Because I, finally, had a good night’s sleep. Yes I did. I slept very well and through most of the night. If I had any dreams, I cannot remember them. I woke up without any real pain or anxiety. I was rested.

I was feeling a little too good. I made a trip out to the bird feeder and gave the birds some fresh oranges. Who doesn’t love a fresh orange? On the way back to the house, I got dizzy. My blood pressure had plummeted into the 80s. The home health nurse told me to rest and drink lots of water. Later, I had enough energy to do a little light housekeeping and work on an essay that is due Sunday.

I saw an old friend, it was good to see. Then my sister-from-another-mister, R, picked me up for a late afternoon drive around a local lake. We took her dog, Vida, a ridiculously cute parti-colored Pomeranian, who lives up to his name. It was so lovely out there. We didn’t really do anything but chat and enjoy the absolutely perfect weather we are having right now. We both agreed that we would be happy if today’s weather could stay forever.

Tomorrow, I get to see my kids and grandkids for the weekend, and join them in their normal activities. Presley has a viola recital and a horse riding lesson, JW, HJ, and Big E all have baseball games. I will do as much as I can, as well as I can, and just be thankful for the opportunity. Just seeing their faces will be a joy.

I thought about things I am looking forward to doing when the doctor gives his OK to “resume normal activities.” Very high up on the list is a bath. I love a good salt bath with lavender oil and a book. I designed our master bathroom around that love. We have this lovely garden tub with a frosted glass windows on which a variety of orchids are always in various stages of bloom. The bathroom window is the perfect environment for them, with just the right amount of light and humidity to make them happy. When they are happy, I am happy. A bath, yes, that’s what I want.

I also want to be able to put on a shirt that fits me and has to go over my head. Currently, if it doesn’t button up the front or practically swallow me whole, I cannot get it on as too much work above my head exhausts me. I would like to pull weeds, Oh so much. I would like to drive again. I would like to just make decision on the fly and do whatever it is I decided to do. I would like to stop having to be so careful.

But, mostly, I would like to take a bath. Is that too much to ask?

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