On Certainty…


I came across this quote this morning while researching for my final project in Philosophy class. It really spoke to me. It wasn’t helpful for my project but was an “aha moment” for me. I’ve been in a serious funk lately (like almost everyone else on the planet) and I realize now that uncertainty is the cause.

I’m having the most misery in this season because of uncertainty. How long will I work from home? How long will have I have to wear this mask? How long to I need to fear for my 80 year old neighbor’s life?

If someone could give me a definite date, then I think I could cope better. Even if that date was March 12, 2022, it would be better than the shrug I am getting now. I cannot abide the shrug. The shrug, although technically neutral, feels negative and hopeless.

I’m like a reporter. I want to know when, why, who, what and how, but mostly when. Mostly WHEN!

My employer had several dates lined up for our return to the office, this date for phase I, this date for phase II, this date for phase III and so on. That felt good. It felt like we had a plan in place. We had some control. But now, since my state has had a spike and even our Governor is positive for Covid, we have had to back up. But there is no defined place for the back up, we are just backing up. How far and for how long will the back up be? We don’t know. Also, everyone in this community is defining his or her own back up spot. Some aren’t backing up at all.

Should I just go about my life and hope everything will be OK? Or should I stay in my house and learn to make my own butter?

I have a sick family member. We can’t see her because of Covid. Her prognosis has run the gamut on the scale of severity and back again. Will she recover? We don’t know? If she recovers will she be disabled? We don’t know. How long will it take her to recover? We don’t know. What will we do if she doesn’t? Again, we don’t know. Nobody knows.

Ok, God knows, but He’s not saying. I can’t even put into words how much the fact that God isn’t saying is pissing me off. I’ve been told in times of uncertainty I should read my Bible and pray. Well, with all due respect, my knees are getting a little worn out. Plus, I checked the Book of Revelation, and while there is some information on the why, the who, the what and a little bit on how, there is nothing about the when.

So, how long are we to bear this? We don’t know. Will wearing masks and staying 6 feet away from each other be something we practice going forward, forever? We don’t know. Remember all the other things we were told were only temporary, and years later there they still are a thing? Confession, I DO hope the empty middle seat on airplanes is permanent.

If this is our new normal, I’d just like to know so I can plan accordingly. I cannot take more shrugs. I need answers. I something concrete. I need certainty. I need a timeline. I need a completion date. I need someone in customer service. Who is in charge here?

I can deal with reality if I know what reality is. I need certainty.

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