On My Heart (A Series)… 72 Hours to Go.

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In about 72 hours, I will be kissing the love of my life goodbye for now, and the surgical team will start prepping me for surgery. I will have checked-in at the registration desk at 6:00 a.m., but I will have been awake for hours… possibly all night. No worries, I will be able to catch up on my sleep soon.

What concerns me now is my To Do List. I don’t usually write out a physical To Do List, mine is an ever changing one that resides mostly in my head. This makes it easier to amend, but also easier to forget things. But, the knowledge that I will be convalescing through most of the fall season, a critical season for gardening, has me just a little stressed. I wanted to expand the vegetable garden this fall, put down cardboard, compost, and mulch in about a 20 x 10 foot space along side this year’s garden, but I have resigned myself to the fact that it will not happen the year. I just need to get the existing garden prepped for the winter. There are cover crop seeds to put out. But, chances are that the size of the current garden will be adequate to keep me busy next spring, and I simply do not have time. I will let it go.

But there are other things.

I have two five gallon buckets of cucumbers and squash that I picked two days ago. No time for canning them, but I need to cut them up and freeze them for use in cucumber smoothies and squash soup and bread. Then there are more to picked. Those cucumbers will just not let fall take them without a fight.

The sunflowers in the juniper bed have to be pulled up. I don’t want them in the juniper bed next year. They grow too tall and leggy there, and there is no support from the wind. I don’t want any seeds dropping that will sprout next year. There will be plenty of other places planted with sunflowers.

The Yellowstone/Teton bed has to be planted. Charles and I created a bed in which we will plant seeds of plants that grow in Yellowstone and Grand Teton parks. I have already planted two quaking aspens and a Washington hawthorn in that space and those trees will look great with Pacific Aster, showy golden eye, rabbit brush, and lupine growing around them.

The Carl and Carolyn White Memorial Mile is due for its quarterly cleanup and that has to be done in September. We will do that on Sunday.

I need to clean the house, make various foods to freeze.

I booked a massage for Saturday – who knows when I will next be able to take Liying’s tiny but heavy hands and elbows?

The chicken pen needs a good cleaning.

The cow pens need to be dealt with.

The basil and rosemary plants must be potted and brought inside if they are to survive the winter.

Packing to do. Gah! I need to buy pajamas that button in the front.

There is one last day of work, and the self-imposed burden to make sure my co-workers are comfortable and have all they need from me. But I also know they are pros and can do anything I can do and probably do it better.

There are people to see.

Things to write.

The whole thing sounds ridiculous, but it keeps my mind otherwise engaged so I don’t go into a full out panic.

More than one person has told me that “God does not give us a spirit of fear.” I know that, I’m fully aware of that. But, I am also human. God knows that about me, and is okay with it. My fear is of the things that will be behind the door I have to walk through. There is also faith that I will get through it all and walk through the door on the other side to a better quality of life and more adventures to come. The trip will not be fun, but I have no doubt I will arrive safely.

I know this because I have a tremendous support system:

• Charles is here. He is fully capable of taking charge. He has strong shoulders and a logical mind, and a heart of gold.
• Piglet has reminded me that she is my person. She is just next door( literally and figuratively), and will be there to pick up anything Charles drops or finds too heavy to carry alone.
• My kids are my cheer team from afar, sending love that can be felt through the cell signal.
• My brother, Kevin and my other sister, Wendy.
• There is my sister-from-another-mister, Robin.
• My Bad Ass Girl Gang stands ready to do whatever needs doing. Plus, they love Charles very much and knew him before I did.
• There is a whole mess of prayer warriors out there. From old friends near and far, to my cousins and sweet aunts, and up to the CEO of the company I work for. They know who they are.
• My yoga cult members.
• David told me Michael is already planning vegan meals for us.

It is hard for me to grasp how many people love me. I don’t deserve even one of them, but I am so glad they are there.

I also know this because the God of my understanding controls the Universe and the Universe has my back and wants me to succeed. The God of my understanding has a Divine Plan of Goodness for me. The God of my understanding would never bring me this far and just cut the story short. The God of my understanding is a better writer than that.

72 hours to go.